Having been around for much too long, The Babysitters have seen far too many of Cambridge's local bands, and are thus able to provide the following exclusive, prejudiced, and not particularly helpful guide to the area's band scene. Obviously, we haven't included ourselves in this list. We wish to remain aloof and serious. New bands will be added as and when we get off our arses.
| Band | Rubbish Name? | Own At Least One Radiohead Album? | Any Evidence Of A Sense Of Humour? | Still At School? | Live Shows Likely To Feature Shouts Of 'Yeah!' And General Rock Posturing? | Competent Drummer? | Bass Player Uses A Plectrum? | Inflated Idea Of Own Worth? | Cover versions performed |
| Hofman | No | Possibly | Yes | No | No | Yes | Yes | No | None that I recognised |
| Buried Trevor | How much worse could it be? | Definitely | Not really | Probably | Couldn't rule it out | Not too bad | Can't remember | A bit | None? |
| Nyugati Palyaudvar | Er... | Hard to tell | Yes | No | No | Very good indeed | Yes | No | Theme from 'Midnight Cowboy' on electric mandolin - cool! |
| Freeboy (RIP) | No | Not obviously | Yes | No | No | Mostly | Yes | Some might say so, I couldn't possibly comment | Allegedly |
| Simplicity | Yes | Yes | No | Youngish | Yes | A bit flaky | Can't remember | Definitely | None |
| The Afterthought | No | Probably not | Yes | No | No | Electronic drums | Electronic bass | No | None |
| Hinton | Unimaginative | Probably | Not much | You might think so, but only from a distance | Couldn't rule it out completely | Not bad | Can't remember | Yes | Not as far as I know |
| Keith's Shed | Odd, but strangely appropriate | No | Yes | Not unless they teach there | No | At last | Obviously | Rather the opposite | Too many to mention, and all excellent |
| Black Not Green | You're right, black isn't green. I've never noticed that before | No, but a full set of Prodigy albums | Good question | Not a normal school, anyway | Too busy running about | Competent sampler | N/A | Not obviously | None |
| Band | Rubbish Name? | Own At Least One Radiohead Album? | Any Evidence Of A Sense Of Humour? | Still At School? | Live Shows Likely To Feature Shouts Of 'Yeah!' And General Rock Posturing? | Competent Drummer? | Bass Player Uses A Plectrum? | Inflated Idea Of Own Worth? | Cover versions performed |
| Gravity Cafe | Oh yes | Doubt it | No | No | Unlikely | Seemed OK | Can't remember | Dunno, really | Can't remember |
| Ouija | Not by comparison with others, I suppose | Absolutely | No | No | Yes | About average | Yes | Quote from their flyer: "The best unsigned band in Britain" | Radiohead's 'Fake Plastic Trees' (surprise!) |
| Maker | Maker of what? | Among others | Not really | No | It's a frightening thought | Pretty good | No | Unknown | Don't know |
| Effortless | They certainly didn't put much effort into choosing one | Yes | Some | Oh yes | I wish they wouldn't | Not great | Think so | Hard to tell | Don't think so |
| The Straw Bees | I don't understand it, but it's OK I suppose | No | Some | No | You're pretty safe | Yes | Can't remember | No | None when I saw them |
| Sub-collective | Pretty good, given the type of music | No | None at all | Difficult to tell | Zero stage presence | Superfluous. All the complicated stuff was played by the sequencer | No | No | None |
| The Other Garden | Moderately crap | Naaah, too modern | Limited | Er, not exactly | Only the guitarist who looked like Bob Geldof | Seemed to be OK | Yes | To a degree | They all sounded like covers, but weren't |
| Pogul Magee | Oh, yes. | Yes. And the Smiths back catalogue. | Yes | No, but acted like it | Yes, as well as random incoherent shouting | Not particularly | No | Yes. Very inflated. | Difficult to tell |
| My Friend Irma | Depends whether you are called Irma or not, I guess. | No | Some | Probably just left | Weird dancing and wailing from the woman | OK, but the sound made it difficult to tell | Yes | To some extent. Their fans certainly aren't realistic. | None when I saw them, but I bet they do. |
| Lumina | Is that Latin for something? | Not obvious | No | No | No | No drummer as yet | No bass player as yet | Too modest, if anything | None |
| CRS* | I thought it stood for Co-op Retail Services, which isn't very rock & roll. But apparently not. | Yes | No | Must be | No, but bassist has a serious Nicky Wire complex | As competent as the rest of them | Yes, but then so does Nicky Wire | Maybe | None |
| Band | Rubbish Name? | Own At Least One Radiohead Album? | Any Evidence Of A Sense Of Humour? | Still At School? | Live Shows Likely To Feature Shouts Of 'Yeah!' And General Rock Posturing? | Competent Drummer? | Bass Player Uses A Plectrum? | Inflated Idea Of Own Worth? | Cover versions performed |